I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
