TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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