I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
