New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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