im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
