So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
