found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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