He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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