I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
