Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
