So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
