somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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