Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
