oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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