I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
