Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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