Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
