My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
