I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
