I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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