I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
