i barfeds in our rink
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want nice things and good sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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