Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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