he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
