i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
