she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
