I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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