Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
