dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
