The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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