Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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