so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
