What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
