Already got asked if we're dating
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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