when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
