we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
