im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
