she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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