Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
