Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
