by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
being pregnant is like rehab
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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