i was born a porn star she said
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
