threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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