sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
