a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
