Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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