How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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