So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
