don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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