and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
