i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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