so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
