I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
