My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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